That Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the TV landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third series began, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final series. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so poor they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this show again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like reading a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.